


The thing about love is..

by RachelIsWriting



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23012938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelIsWriting/pseuds/RachelIsWriting
Summary: 5 times that Callum said I Love You and the first time Ben does.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 88





	The thing about love is..

**Author's Note:**

> Canon with twist. I love a 5 + 1 fic, I hope you like this!
> 
> This hasn’t been beta read because the only person I would ask to beta ballum is asleep in America right now ;)

1-

The first time Callum said I love you to Ben wasn’t even said out loud. It was a twist in his stomach while sitting in the cafe watching Ben and Lexi colour in a picture in one of her magazines. The two were arguing over whether purple was a suitable colour for the sea (Lexi for, Ben against) and Ben looked up at Callum and winked. If Callum could speak at that moment he doesn’t think he would have said it anyway.

The knowledge that he loved the man sat in front of him, and by extension his daughter shook Callum to his core. The longer he was with Ben, experiencing the relationship that he has always wanted meant the more he realised about his previous relationship with Whitney.

He had always thought he loved her, loved the very bones of her. But this feeling he has for Ben is something he never had for Whit. Not even for the person he thought he had loved first and longest. His love for Chris had always been held on a pedestal in his mind, an idealised view that Chris’s death had caused and Callum didn't want to alter.

Even that didn't compare to anything he felt for Ben. But to admit that to the man in front of him? He didn't think he was ready. He knew Ben wasn’t.

2-

The second time Callum said I love you was the beginning of the end.

A moment in Callum’s mind that would cement their relationship and move it forward to something great in the upcoming year. 

Instead it led to a broken heart, a broken Christmas and time spent away from where he really wanted to be.

He thought that Ben felt the same, knew it when he looked at his face and when they locked eyes. Felt it in the way their breaths met hot and heavy in moments of passion. The stroke of his face afterwards to make sure each other was ok and happy.

But this wasn’t happy. This wasn’t the way love was supposed to be, crying in a strange hotel bed. Away from his family, his home, his Ben.

He had considered so many times just messaging him, just so that Ben knew he was still there. But the thought of it going unread and without reply upset him more than anything. The not knowing if Ben was thinking of him too is the thought he went to sleep on most nights. 

If this was love Callum didn't know if he wanted it.

3- 

The third time Callum said I love you was into a kiss.

A kiss Callum didn't think would happen.

His heart broke as the black cab drove past him. A car carrying the man he loved, taking him to god knows where, a car taking him somewhere Callum wasn’t.

He walked through the market, his mind swirling with a thousand thoughts, trying not to let the emotion show on his face until he could walk into the safety of his flat. 

The thoughts in his head were almost too loud for him to hear someone shouting his name. But all of a sudden everything fell silent and he could see the man running towards him. Could see Ben, and nothing but Ben.

As Ben spoke to him, he spoke the words that had been hidden inside for too long. All Callum could think was love, feel was love, see was love. The love he had for Ben, and the love it seemed Ben had for him. He knew Ben wouldn’t say it, but just showing as much as he did was more than Callum could ever dream of.

As their lips met, full of passion and emotion, Callum was trying to tell Ben everything he felt without saying anything at all.

This is love, you didn’t always need to say it out loud.

4-

The fourth time Callum said I Love You was to an empty room.

He didn't think he was going to get out of here alive, thought he was going to die alone broken at the bottom of an abandoned warehouse. 

He’d been in bad situations in the army, times where he thought he was going to die, but this moment he knew he was the closest he was ever going to get.

He was able to use his training to keep himself warm, able to find drips of water on the tarp next to him to wet his lips every so often. The pain in his ribs was intense and caused him to black out for periods of time, which he was grateful for as the more time he was asleep was less time for him to be awake and scared.

He spent some of the time floating, his mind travelling to the square and to Ben. He would imagine them sitting on the sofa together, snuggled together as they often did while watching some reality tv show that Ben was obsessed with. He would visit the cafe and see Stuart and Rainie chatting and laughing together, see Jay rolling his eyes as Lola sat posting selfies on snapchat. 

But most of the time he just thought of Ben, tried to focus all his waking time on getting Ben to find him. He shouted occasionally if he could hear movement, at one point thinking he could hear Ben above him. But nothing. He shouted I love you as loud as he could and closed his eyes.

Callum knew that Love could find a way home.

5- 

The fifth time was a mark traced onto a broad back.

After Stuart told him everything that had happened while he wasn’t around he knew he had to go home. He knew he had to find Ben. He was sad that he hadn’t been visited in the hospital but knew the guilt is what kept him away.

After walking through the door and seeing the broken face of the man he loved he knew this wasn’t going to be an easy ride, knew there was so much pain for them both in their futures. 

But he also knew that he would help him every step of the way, there was every chance that Ben would do as he always did, try and push Callum away, but this time he wasn’t going anywhere.

He realised that saying I Love You out loud would not be enough, that this time he would show Ben. So he did the best thing he could do when Ben turned his back on him.

Tracing I love you was a pretty basic way of showing it, but he put every bit of emotion into it. Needing Ben to turn round and see the love in his face. The kiss that followed also helped to show him.

Love was knowing that no matter what he wasn’t going anywhere.

+1 

The first time Ben said I Love You was brand new.

As his ears adjusted to the crackle and the static and the mumbling, the pain of the operation, the realisation that it had worked and he could hear again, could hear the doctors and the nurses talking. Could hear Callum asking if he was ok, whether he could hear anything they were saying.

He nodded, had been told that speaking out loud would be a strange experience for him, that his brain wouldn’t be able to process it well to begin with.

But looking at Callum, the man who had stood by his side through everything. Through gunshots and kidnapping and break ups and make ups. Through incredibly good times, and incredibly bad times.

He knew that the words he wanted to say would hurt him physically, but emotionally they would heal him. 

“I love you Callum”


End file.
